I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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