You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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