So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
