yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
