so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I could fuck to npr.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Please don't give away my fajitas
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
