george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
