i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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