She is in my trunk
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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