butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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