i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
