The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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