Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
