i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
