So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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