census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
