Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
