No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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