I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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