he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Someone came in the potted fern
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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