I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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