franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
