I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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