mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
