I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
