Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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