He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop