shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
