So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
