Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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