Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
