don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I touched a dick in church today
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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