party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
