Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize