If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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