i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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