I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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