Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
