Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She's JV to your varsity
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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