If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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