I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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