you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
