Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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