I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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