nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
