I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
