I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
