Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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