well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
