I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
