So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
