Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
