I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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