Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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