i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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