Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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