you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
