That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
