it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
