All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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