WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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