You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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