I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
