My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
