How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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