The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
