You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
did you just send me my own nude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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