If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
