On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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