She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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