Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
