So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
