Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's shark week go big or go home
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
