I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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