hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
