Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
