i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
