my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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