I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
