his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
